He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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