How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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