The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
