i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
