I puked a lego.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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