i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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