im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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