I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
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