well you can't waste a boner
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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