that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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