he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
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Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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