Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
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