we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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