you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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