Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
