A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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