He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Vodka?
Forever.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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