i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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