Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
how does that bad decision feel?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
