new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
