Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
