I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
