I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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