she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
