You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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