A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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