I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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