I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
