So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
