she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
