She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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