Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
