; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.