"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN