I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
21 Of The Most Regrettable Tattoo Ideas Ever
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.