you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.