so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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