Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
