AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So much rum. So many feels.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
