just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
