I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
