On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
