It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
