At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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