Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
How external is "for external use only"?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
