my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
