and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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