I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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