Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
