You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
