when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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