remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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