No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
