I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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