there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize