im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
