Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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