I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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