i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
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I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
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I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
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