He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
