It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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