I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
